Friday, November 05, 2004

My Apologies For Posting This..But I Really Need To Vent!

Even if I wasn't really angry, I don't think I could string enough intelligent words together to express my disappointment. Strong written communication is not one of my gifts. But I really liked the following email:

My fellow Americans, the people of this nation have spoken, and spoken with a clear voice. So I am here to offer my concession.

I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American people. Though the people disagree with the President on almost every issue, you saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really special. And I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those kids who ride the short school bus and find ways to injure themselves while eating pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.

I concede that I misjudged the power of hate. That's pretty powerful stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate the President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the ballot in various swing states like Ohio... well, that was just genius. Genius. It got people, a certain kind of people, to the polls. The unprecedented number of folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as their biggest issue, those people changed history. The folks who consider same sex marriage a more important issue than war, or terrorism, or the economy... Who'd have thought the election would belong to them? Well, Karl Rove did. Gotta give it up to him for that. [Boos.] Now, now. Credit where it's due.

I concede that I put too much faith in America's youth. With 8 out of 10 of you opposing the President, with your friends and classmates dying daily in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to pay for rich old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your asses and watch the Cartoon Network while aging homophobic hillbillies carried the day. You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that you did in 2000. You suck. Seriously, y'do.

There are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the time for healing, to bring the nation together. Let me tell you a little story. Last night, I watched the returns come in with family and friends. As the night progressed, people began to talk half-seriously about secession, a red state / blue state split. The reasoning was this: We in blue states produce the vast majority of the wealth in this country and pay the most taxes, and you in the red states receive the majority of the money from those taxes while complaining about 'em. We in the blue states are the only ones who've been attacked by foreign terrorists, yet you in the red states are gung ho to fight a war in our name. We in the blue states produce the entertainment that you consume so greedily each day, while you in the red states show open disdain for us and our values. Blue state civilians are the actual victims and targets of the war on terror, while red state civilians are the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh, yeah!? Bring it on!"

More than 40% of you Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I am. Your sons and daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people in the urban centers where Al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true, but those of you who are at practically no risk believe this easy lie because you can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I really envy that luxury. I concede that.

Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms about the heartland of America while that heartland insults and excoriates us... we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And you refused to give it to us, largely because of your high moral values. You knew better: America doesn't need its allies, doesn't need to share the burden, doesn't need to unite the world, doesn't need to provide for its future. Hell no. Not when it's got a human shield of pointy-headed, atheistic, unconfrontational breadwinners who are willing to pay the bills and play nice in the vain hope of winning a vote that we can never have. Because we're "morally inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to respect your values while you insult ours. And the big joke here is that for 20 years, we've done just that.

It's not a "ha-ha" funny joke, I realize, but it's a joke all the same.

And I make this pledge to you today: Next time, there will be no pandering. We will run with all the open and joking contempt for our opponents that the President demonstrated towards the cradle of liberty, the Ivy League intellectuals, the "media elite," and the "white-wine sippers." We will not pretend that the simple folk of America know just as much as the people who devote their lives to serving and studying the nation and the world. They don't.

So that's why we're asking for your vote in 2008, America. I'm talking to you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred drones, you redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially duped grade-school grads. We know better, and I truly believe that we can help your smug, sorry asses. And may God, if he does in fact exist, bless each and every one of you.


By comedian Mark Fedler

credits to Diary of a Recovering Angry White Girl for posting this forwarding email.

7 Comments:

Blogger Inari said...

it's AWESOME. i might post it on to my blog.

6:17 AM  
Blogger Alder said...

I liked this so much when I read it I posted it to my own blog. But after sleeping on it, I realized it wasn't fair to lump in all those good people in red states who didn't vote for Bush, so I added a caveat post on mine. Just a thought.

By the way, I've been checking your site regularly for a month or so now. I love your photography! You have a great eye for composition and color. Your work reminds me of the photography of Jane English. She got together with Gia Fu Feng to publish a translation of the Tao Te Ching. Each chapter of the TTC has Feng's translation side by side with a full page b&w picture of English's. I'm sure the UO library or the Eugene city library has a copy. Check it out if you get a chance. Good translation of the TTC, too, very poetic and simple, not all rigid and academic like many.

Your pictures remind me how much I miss living in Eugene, much as I love the beauty of the Oregon coast. I put a few beach pictures on my own blog a few weeks ago. I ought to do some more. You've inspired me to get out my own digital camera, but on the other hand it's hard for me to post my own drab snapshots after looking at your beautiful images.

8:24 AM  
Blogger roguehippie said...

Being new to the Blogging deal, I took a look around at others' posts. This one really had me rolling! Thanks for posting it. Great to know there are a few good minds left in Jesus Land (formerly the U.S.)

2:58 PM  
Blogger Dee said...

I posted this on my website as well and gave credits to you and Mark Fedler. I'm still scratching my head about that election....

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the true American way.
Maybe some americans doesn┬┤t know, but there┬┤s lives outside the USA.
Congratulations for your position.
jalr_@hotmail.com

5:22 PM  
Blogger The Humanity Critic said...

It amazes me that americans voted this imbecile into office for another 4 years.. Great blog!

7:47 AM  
Blogger Dan... said...

Great e-mail well written, i'm glad to hear that the US realises that the rest of the world does exsist, and should be valued. That there are people there who are also atheist, as i was scared that alot still believed in a God to blame there troubles on and ask for help from when it really should be yourself that you should depend on, friends and familly, not something that has no prove of existence, other than "prove (s)he doesn't exsist". Good blog, i'm new to this whole thing and i'm glad i came accross this one...it was due to your liking of the film Requiem for a dream, which is a very moving film.

thanks for reading


Dan

5:35 AM  

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