Monday, January 30, 2006

Why am I gay? Tons of Questions I’d only ask God after my third trip up to the altar for some Communion wine.*

Hey God-

(Age 5)
Am I going to hell if I'd rather sit in the pews on Sunday eating Cheerios and spelling naughty words on my mom's calculator then try and pay attention to the Pastor drone on and on about junk I don't understand?

Is jumping on the bed allowed in heaven? It really should be since it's so much fun.


(Age 7)
Why are there no dinosaurs mentioned in the bible?

In Sunday school, we celebrate Jesus’ birth at Christmas and then his death only a few months later at Easter. What happens in between? How come there's no 7-year-old Jesus like me?


(Age 9)
I may only be 9-years-old but I'm pretty sure that making Jesus into a cartoon character just like Scooby-doo and the Smurfs is awfully confusing to some of us kids in Sunday school. Couldn't you talk to someone about that?

Can I have a real baby sister for Christmas? If not, can you get me a real Cabbage-Patch Kid instead?

Why does everyone think I should believe in you but you don't tell me to do so yourself?


(Age 12)
I'll get to see my pet rats in heaven, right?

Why do babies die?

There is no such thing as limbo. Why would anyone be so cruel to suggest a place to grieving parents?

Why does the bible do so much harm sometimes? Why didn’t you make it just a little more clear so we wouldn’t fight so much?

How come you don't answer my prayers?

You don't mind if I don't actually believe in you, right?


(Age 15)
Fess up, the Immaculate Conception was just a really heated make out session that led to third base, right? (Don't send me a nasty email or leave anonymous comments yelling at me on this one people. I'm just stating something that's crossed my mind that would somehow scientifically make sense to me. We all have our own theories and beliefs for things we can’t explain.)

Do you ever wish you could start over? I do that all the time when I'm playing Sim City. I just delete the old city and begin again from scratch or I neglect the old one and leave it rotting on some zip disk somewhere.

Why would women be punished with childbirth and menstruation for what Eve did?

Same topic: Why are women treated as property so often?

I'm pretty sure that woman was not created from man but everyone tries to tell me differently. What's the truth? How can you have a man exist without a woman to give birth to him first?


(Age 17)
I know I said I didn’t believe in you but I’ll change my mind if you don’t let Nate die from cancer. If you really cared, you’d make him healthy again.

My church is sooooo boring. Can you get an orchestra for the altar and teach the priest to sing like Frank Sinatra? Or can you get a set of drums, lasers, and pyrotechnics for a pre-sermon show?

If a person doesn't develop a conscience early in life and they become a serial killer, when they die will they be punished if they didn’t know that they did anything wrong? How can you punish someone who doesn't know the difference?

Don't you think you should tell the Pope to lighten up?

Why am I gay?

Why did you make me this way if so many people think that's a bad thing and automatically assume that I can change it?


(As an adult)
If I beg and plead not to be pregnant right now, will you still let me get pregnant later on?

I believe that many religious stories are created to explain the unexplainable, especially in historical times when our species did not have science as an alternative. So if we’re making up all these things and creating a religion around them, does that mean we made up you? Do you exist simply because we believe in you? Would you still be there if we stopped believing?

Why are religious icons always showing up on freeway walls, truck stop pancakes and Lay’s potato chips? If there was a message to be relayed to us, why not use more credible sources?

If good is supposed to win over evil all of the time, why is George Bush still president?

Hell is just a state of mind, right?

I can understand that for many years it was essential that humans populate the earth and have as many children as possible with the infanticide rate being as high as it was and all, but why haven't you made it clear that we're now running out of room here? Shouldn't you tell someone important that they need to press upon Catholic families that its time to stop having so many children? Especially if they can't afford to take care of all of them?

Is there something wrong with me since I can’t just blindly follow everyone else and just believe in you? Why do I have to question everything? Why didn’t I just accept what they told me as a child?
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These questions represent a sample of random thoughts I have had about religion since I was old enough to remember. I still think many of them today- even though now I'm certainly old enough to know better (jumping on the bed is still fun today...'specially with other people in it).

I'm working on a post about religion but it's a bit overwhelming. I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure what direction I'm going in. I'm not even sure if I need religion right now. All I know is that I had a dream recently where I was attending a wedding in a very old gothic country church but there were some irregularities to the scene. Instead of the pews all facing forward towards the altar, they were turned sideways with the ceremony happening on the right side of the church. There were two rows of pews, with an generous space for the aisle, and on the left side (the one closest to the actual altar) there was a huge wooden banister, with intricate carvings and incredibly smooth balustrades. The banister was cutting off the rest of the church from the pews. In fact, the seating was only taking up one-third of the church. I could see the altar, at the far end, just as it looked at my Lutheran church when I was a child. I and all the other parishioners could not reach the altar though. There was just empty space between the banister and the other end and no way around it. There was nothing there, no seats, no tables, absolutely nothing- just swirling black empty space. However, when I looked up, I could see the sunlight streaming in from the stained glass windows far above.

Needless to say, this dream screams of symbolism and begs for obvious interpretation. There is room in my life for religion. But I don’t know how and I don’t know why. More on this topic soon....



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*My apologies for stealing from the title of the bestseller: Why Do Men Have Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini

3 Comments:

Blogger Alder said...

May I e-mail a link to this post to our favorite Director of Religious Education?

12:29 PM  
Blogger punkindunkin said...

Be my guest! I'm confident she won't laugh her ass off at me or shake her head in disgust. I'm sure she's heard all of these before in some form or another.

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Herb said...

For answers to these and other questions visit my site and click on "Fish scanning with JC" and "An elbow in time."

Eugene, hmm? Have heard a lot about your burg. Still having your Celebration in late August? Or is it early Sept.? Did you know that Oregon is the suicide capital of the US? And now you're getting legalized suicide. Interesting. Too rainy I'm guessing. Oh well. Keep on blogging!!

7:40 AM  

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