Thursday, February 23, 2006

A Troublesome Dream

My dream on Sunday night is still bothering me a few days later. I don’t know quite how to interpret it and I worry about the negative connotations that it potentially could have since the symbols within the dream tend to lead me in a certain direction (I'm sure Alder will scold me for saying that).
Alder and I were traveling home to my parent’s house in Madison and it was late at night. We came up Highway 55 and turned to reach my childhood neighborhood from the wrong way. We passed a large apartment building under construction. There were still wood boards hastily attached where railings on the balconies should be. The roof was partially done with several holes still needing to be patched and I could see the night sky and stars through some of those holes. The building was rather large and out of place for the surrounding neighborhood; it was four or five stories compared to mostly one story ranch homes that populated the area. As we rounded the corner, I could see a small fire gaining strength in one of the upper story apartments. The strange thing was that I couldn’t actually see the fire, only the appropriate and distinctive shadow that its flames made as they flickered against the side of the building. It was like an impression of a fire or something, not the actual event. Nevertheless, I told Alder that we needed to stop and call in a report to 911. But he drove right past and ignored me. I repeated myself with more urgency but his only response was “don’t worry about it”. I was totally miffed that he would blatantly ignore this very serious matter and I pulled out my cell phone from my pocket. “We need to call 911!” I shouted. “I said, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!" He screamed. "Someone ELSE will call it in; we need to get to your parent’s house. It’s VERY LATE (he gestured to the large green digital clock on the car’s dashboard) and I’m EXTREMELY TIRED!” And that completely pissed me off. Once we reached the intersection just before my parents house and Alder made his way slowly around a new roundabout that had been constructed there (there isn’t one there in real life), I jumped out of the car and dropped the cell phone, shattering it in the process. I crossed the street in a huff and walked back up the sidewalk towards the apartment building, stomping my heels loudly on the concrete. They made loud clicking echoes in the silent night air. He was nice enough to turn the car around and come after me, calling to me from the car to get back in, that he was sorry, that he’ll dial 911 right now. But the damage was done; I couldn’t believe how selfish he was being and how uncharacteristically rude he was to me. I was bound and determined to get this fire reported but I didn’t get to call 911 because Alder woke me up in real life by crawling in next to me in the guest bed and wrapping his arms around me. I lay there for a minute extremely confused. Why was I letting him near me after his complete lack of respect for me and for the situation? But the urgency of the dream quickly faded as my eyes adjusted to light and I remembered where I was.

I don’t like the fire, or the fact that it wasn’t a fire but an impression of a fire. I don’t like his reaction to my own reactions. I don’t like that I can’t easily interpret this episode but it leaves me with an unsettling feeling. Doesn't fire usually signal danger or death? The apartment building isn't complete, it's still being built. Could that be our bond to one another somehow? Are the holes in the building a good or bad thing? Why was I so concerned about something I couldn't completely see but intuitively knew was still there? Is this a relationship issue or something else? Hmm...

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